Do We Belong
by CollinsJ
Summary: Science and all its facts can f*** you up. STORY COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**AN : This has nothing to do with my other stories, just a standalone. Do you think I should write another chapter or leave it as a one-shot? It's basically Maura's point of view. **

* * *

Doctor Maura Isles' facts and figures led her completely astray. She dived head first in logic, and it now had utterly ruined her. She never once believed that some things should just be left as they are. Doctor Isles wanted to always know what exactly it is that things _were_. If there was no definition, she sought it out. All manner of experimentation and research was put into it, to derive a definitive conclusion. If there was none, then what ever it is was, was a lost cause.

That is the blunder she made with her relationship with one Detective Rizzoli. And now ten years into her mistake, she looked back and reminisced about the day she hand single handedly ruined her life.

_The week had gone really slow for Jane's liking. Not that she revelled in murder; she just really needed something to do all the time. So Maura suggested the detective do some 'light' reading with her. They had finished work on Friday and had the weekend off. Maura made a small dinner that was quickly consumed before the two were seated on the couch – reading. In order to get Jane's full participation, Maura suggested the brunette read the medical journal aloud. _

_Surprisingly, Jane was doing a good job, and even seemed interested and invested in what she was reading. This in turn, caused a different reaction in Maura. The doctor hadn't imagined that Jane reading medical terminology could be that arousing. _

''_Are you listening Maur? Because I'm kinda doing this for you''. Jane was closing the book and already placing it on the centre table._

''_I am paying attention, but not to the right things''_

''_You wanna tell me what exactly it is you are concentration on instead?'', the brunette raised her eyebrows in question._

''_You'', Maura answered truthfully._

_That's when Jane finally caught up. The look in Maura's eyes was feral, and God did she just scream sex or what? They wasted no time thinking about the consequences of their body's needs and just fell right into the trap. After indulging themselves in admittedly the best sex of their lives, the best friends lay on the area rug on the floor wrapped up in a 'throw'. Maura was the first to bring reason into the situation, as always._

''_We need to discuss this''_

''_Now?'', Jane complained._

''_When do you prefer then?'', Maura asked with feigned understanding._

''_Can't we just let it be? Do we have to 'discuss' it? Now?'' Jane wanted to just lie in the arms of the woman she loved and not complicate things with words. Jane always believed in the power of actions. Their love making should speak for its self, no need to attach complicated words to the situation._

''_You can't be serious? This is a serious thing Jane. We are best friends, who just had sex. Shouldn't something be said about that?''_

''_You're right, something should be said'', Jane lifted her body up and leaned against the couch, beckoning Maura to do the same. ''I love you Maura, and I think you know it. I always have''_

_Maura let the words sink in. Everything Jane had just said was true, but that wasn't the root of her concern. ''I love you Jane, and I suppose I could also say you know that. This was really unexpected''_

''_It was, but I don't regret it. We'll be fine Maur''_

''_How do you know that Jane? We are best friends that just had sex. Isn't that as complicated as it gets?''_

''_If we didn't love each other, maybe. But we do, so we can work things out''_

''_How?''_

''_I don't know'', Jane was starting to sound exasperated. ''We'll figure it out'', she flailed her arms exaggeratedly. _

''_But when Jane? We need a plan. We need to talk about it and figure out how to handle this''_

''_Do we have to do that now though?''_

''_I would think so, yes. Are we going to go to bed and wake up tomorrow pretending as if nothing happened?''_

''_Of course not''_

''_My point exactly. So how should we move on from here?'', Maura tried to make Jane understand where she was coming from._

_Jane was losing her patience. She loved the woman, but she was driving her insane. Did everything have to be thought out immediately?_

''_Okay. You love me and so do I. We just had sex. So we keep doing that – loving each other and having sex''. Jane made it sound like the simplest and most obvious thing on earth. Maura wasn't having it though._

''_Just like that?'', Maura looked at Jane as if she had said the world was coming to an end. ''Do we start dating? Are we going to be seeing other people? Do we tell everyone? Do we start kissing in public? Do we move in toge-''_

''_Woah….Maur'', Jane put breaks on the medical examiner. ''I hadn't thought that far ok''_

''_Well you need to''_

''_Do you have to be so bossy all the time?''_

''_No. But you're treating this so lightly and it happens to be a very heavy topic. Our friendship is the best thing that has ever happened to me Jane. Ruining that would kill me. Before anything horrible happens can we just sort things out, make a plan of sorts. Just so that when we wake up tomorrow morning we will be on the same page. _

''_I don't know about you Maura, but I will wake up tomorrow morning and treat you the same way I have for as long as I have known you. I will continue to love you, and protect you, and make you smile, and care for you – everything''_

_Maura was well ready to interrupt, but Jane stuck out her finger to halt her words. ''Because we are still trying to figure things out, I am not going to see, or even think about seeing anyone. And if anyone asks, I'll tell them it's none of their business until we are ready for everyone to know. Can we just start there for now?'', Jane looked at her expectantly. _

Maura asked herself for days at length after that little fiasco how Jane could ask something like that of her. How was it possible for two adult best friends to leap into a relationship without concrete plans? Didn't that scream disaster all on its own? Jane knew it; Maura couldn't understand why the detective would want to do such a thing. Maura herself felt a little unready to embark on such a journey. She was the sort of gal that prepared everything in advance. It was too messy for the Medical Examiner to be comfortable with.

But sometimes you just never know what you have until you lose it.

So while Maura was busy dissecting her friendship with Jane, weighing the pros and cons of drifting into a romantic relationship, Jane was finding a way to move on.

The brunette had felt terribly embarrassed over her overt display of affect for the medical examiner. The detective believed in her instincts and trusted her heart. She loved Maura and she knew it. She didn't see the need to plan the next fifteen years of their lives literally after their first sexual encounter. She believed in their love to know it would sustain them through the good and bad – it already had. She just couldn't fathom why Maura needed to be so specific and precise about every tid bit. What ever happened to letting things flow?

No, that obviously didn't sit well with the dignified doctor.

After weeks of Maura driving Jane to the brink of insanity with her logical talk, Jane put an end it. She told Maura they would forget about their night of passionate love making, 'call it a one night stand?' she had said. For reasons unknown to both parties, Maura had let it go. What Jane didn't know was that Maura had started thinking about it seriously. She had begun to analyse every aspects of their lives and was starting to see how they fit together. And what Maura didn't know was that Jane had starting seeing all the ways she could live her life without Maura romantically in it. When they both came to their solid conclusions (Maura wanting to have a go at a relationship with Jane, and Jane wanting to begin a relationship with Dean), they were both met with a painful kick to the gut – leaving them both breathless, Maura more so than Jane.

''_It's been three months, twelve fucking weeks Maur'', Jane yelled. It wasn't necessary, but she couldn't help herself. She was furious, and hurt, and scared, and confused._

''_I know how many weeks three months has Jane'', Maura responded with her normal calm._

''_Fuck that! I'm starting to think you don't''_

''_Jane!'', Maura looked horrified. Apparently the detective was more angry than she had anticipated. Jane had followed the blonde home after work, barging into her house without so much as a hello. She just got right to it. _

''_Maura, I have tried to talk to you all this time. I waited, I gave you time, fuck – I even gave you the stupid 'plans' you asked for. What the fuck else am I supposed to do?''_

''_You could start by not using the foul language''_

''_Fine'', Jane raised her arms in the air. Even if she was angry as hell with Maura, the blonde could still make her do just about anything._

_They stood in silence for a minute or so, Maura gathering her wits, Jane waiting – impatiently._

''_Dean asked me on a date, and I'm going'', Jane stated- matter of fact. _

_Maura had not seen that coming at all. ''What?''_

''_I said Dean asked me on a date, and I'm going'', Jane repeated._

_Maura was silent for a little while. ''well here I was thinking we could start something here'', she gestured between the two of them. _

''_We started something a long time ago, and you fu-, ignored it''_

''_I didn't 'ignore' it. I was trying to think about it Jane. To analyse how to navigate the relationship around our friendship and our work''_

''_So how's that going?'', Jane chuckled humourlessly. _

''_I was starting to believe we could do it''_

''_Well…..when you are SURE, and you have all your facts and figures in line, let me know''._

_That was followed by Jane's departure. _

Maura let her go. She knew Jane had tried, it was her fault. So Jane and Dean became a pair, and Maura swallowed the pill. It wasn't easy to begin with.

''_You aren't going to leave Boston are you?'', Jane asked. Maura had gone away for a week and Jane feared her relationship with Dean was going to drive her best friend away for good._

''_No, Jane. My life is here. I have no desire to start anew''_

''_Good. Because I would hate it if you left''_

''_I'm not going anywhere'', Maura smiled. She was working hard to convince herself._

They learnt to live with each other around the changes in their lives. Maura held a little hope, very little, up until Jane fell pregnant. And that's when her life started to fall apart.

**Three years ago (flashback)**

''_I would like to have a girl''_

''_Why'', Jane further inquired_

''_Well, I came to that conclusion when I realized I really had nothing to offer a little boy-''_

''_Come on Maur you're great'' Jane interrupted_

''_-I could take my little girl shopping with me, we could read together, play dress up. I mean, I wouldn't be so out of my element, whilst being out of my element. Do you honestly see me running around with a little boy shooting guns at each other and going for baseball games?''_

_Jane had to laugh; Maura kind of had a point. And the exact opposite applied for Jane. As if reading her mind Maura went on to say,_

''_I know you would prefer a son first, to ease you into motherhood'', they both laughed._

''_What would you name your daughter'' Jane went on to ask._

''_I was always set on Emily, but-'', that's how having a conversation with Jane went like, being cut after every three words. One honestly had to be patient._

''_Why Emily'', Jane sounded a tad condescending for whatever reason, or more likely for no reason._

''_If you had let me explain I would have got to that don't you think?'' all Maura got was a nod now. She continued_

''_Emily, after Emily Blackwell an American Physician of the 18__th__ century. Well actually she was born in Britain and-''_

''_Ok, ok, ok, I get it. Emily. I'm not up for the immigration lesson on how she wound up in America after being born in Britain. I do however, recall you saying 'but'''_

''_Yes, I eventually settled on Alanna''. This had somehow piqued Jane's interest and she managed to let her go on without further interruption._

''_It was after I met you-''. Jane looked at her incredulously._

''_-it is of Irish origin and means rock or handsome. The English translation however, took it to mean beautiful or handsome. I prefer to stick with the Irish meaning though''._

''_So where do I come in?'' Jane had to ask when it seemed Maura had finished her explanation._

''_Don't get this the wrong way, you are a beautiful woman, but you tilt more towards handsomeness. Like a handsome woman. And you are strong, and willed, and so driven in ways I never thought imaginable. You are unbreakable Jane, just like a rock, while simultaneously being my rock metaphorically. Since I met you Jane, whatever life throws my way I know I have you, and you are unmovable. So while I admired Emily Blackwell and her work and eventually wished to name my child after her, I changed my mind. I would be honoured if I had a daughter who was nearly as handsome and strong as you are. So Alanna it is. Oh and before you ask, I never put much thought into a boy's name''._

_Jane was at a loss for words, so ultimately chose to do what she would never resort to doing had it been anyone else. She pulled Maura into a bear hug._

* * *

When Jane's first child was born, Maura couldn't bring herself to go to the hospital. It was too painful an endeavour, so she just asked Angela to inform her of the good news when it happened. She wasn't disappointed. After a short labour, detective Rizzoli's little girl took her first breath. After long minutes of being coaxed into leaving, Angela drove to Maura's as per Jane's request. She had an envelope that Jane instructed to be given to the blonde. Inside was a card with a photo of the little girl that Frankie had been persuaded into going to print immediately.

**Alanna Emily Dean**

**Born 17 May 2007**

**Time – 6:20 pm**

**Weight – 6lbs 2oz.**

There was a letter inside. **Congratulations, you are a God-Mother. I want you to play a very big role in this child's life Maura. She's going to be handsome, thanks to me. And smart, thanks to you. All just as you predicted that time. I never forgot. I love you. And I always will, you hear me. Baby Alanna will be expecting your visit tomorrow. **

Maura wept for the umpteenth time that day alone. She hated science for what it had done to her. She despised facts and figures to no end. Jane had chose _her _to be her daughters God-Mother. Jane wanted _her _in her childs life. Jane still loved _her_. And Jane had taken those names she spoke of years ago and given them to her daughter. Maura had never known such a love - the love Jane had for her. And she had never know such hate - the hate she had for herself. The only way she could fix it was to be what Jane needed, a best friend. She had to continue being _her _for Jane. She had lost her, and it was her fault.

* * *

An agonizing ten whole years had passed. Maura was sitting behind the steering wheel of her black Mercedes gathering her wits. She watched as a metallic silver SUV pulled into Angela Rizzoli's driveway. Gabrielle Dean stepped out of the driver's side and jogged around the front of the vehicle to open the passager door for his wife. Immediately two little kids jumped from the back. Those kids were her God-children. The little girl was six, and the little boy was four. They belonged to Jane and both had her sharp features and dark hair. She loved them, so much, it hurt.

The four of them looked complete and happy. Ten years Maura lived with the pain of her mistake right in her face. Jane had given her a chance. Jane had wanted her, and chosen her. But she threw facts and figures and her stupid science in the brunettes face. Jane Rizzoli loved Maura Isles, but she had a life. She deserved to be happy. She wanted love, and a family, and Maura clearly wasn't willing to give her that – at least not when she wanted it. She didn't want to be the one picked after a survey and experiment had been conducted. She didn't want Maura's brain to choose to be with her, she wanted Maura's heart to make that choice. And when that heart failed, she moved on (painful as it was).

Maura had been proud. Too proud in fact. When Jane told her she was dating Dean, Maura should have begged for a chance. She should have asked for forgiveness and done all within her power to get Jane back. But no, she let Jane walk away. She told herself she would be fine. She wasn't. Far from it actually. Everyday her heart broke a little when Jane's kids would run to her and tell her they loved her. She would weep when Jane came to pick them up after a dinner date with her husband. For ten years her heart shattered piece by piece. Life had dealt her a hand that was just as good as death.

There was nothing else left of her. The fight within her was finished. She had used up her last drop of fuel to make the trip she had made today. Today she would say goodbye to Jane and her family, and walk out of their lives for good. She made her mistake ten years ago, and lived with the regret every day since then. She couldn't do it anymore. In order to preserve her sanity, and not succumb to the fleeting thought of taking her own life, she had to go. Now, and fast.

* * *

**AN : I wrote half of the next chapter. If you like it and think I should make a rizzles ending in chapter2, or just leave it as it is let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for your support on this small piece I put together.**

* * *

Maura couldn't make it into the Rizzoli household that day. It was Jane's 40th birthday party. She was foolish to think this was the day she would pick to go and say her farewell to everyone. Her rationalization had told her everyone would be there so it was easy to just say good-bye while everyone was congregated and not have to repeat it over and over again, or worry about who to tell first and so forth. But her plan was going to ruin Jane's big day, and that was not her intention. Not showing up for the party was almost as bad, but not so much. So she started the engine, and headed back to her Beacon Hill home. She would have to do it the following day.

True to her word, she drove to Angela's home first thing in the morning. Over the night she had become brutally aware of the fact that she couldn't face Jane and her children in the face to tell them she leaving for good, so she figured Angela would be the one to gently relay the message to them.

''Maura honey, why didn't you come yesterday? Jane said you texted that something work related had come up. Don't think you can fool me for one minute young lady, what's wrong?'' Angela always said so much, and so fast, and so loud, Maura seemed to have not adjusted over the years.

Words failed the doctor, as she began to sob. Angela gathered her in a soothing embrace and let her cry as much as she could.

''I'm so sorry Angela'', it came out painfully.

''It's fine sweetheart. Its alright''

Maura pulled herself together marginally as she started, ''I am going away, for good possibly, or a long time at least''

''Where to?'', the Rizzoli answered quietly. And then let out a sigh. Maura was surprised, she had imagined a whole different play out.

''To 'doctor without boarders''', Maura said surely.

''Are you going to tell me why?''. Angela pulled her so they could sit at the dining table side by side.

Maura let out a long sigh, ''I need to do something meaningful with my life. I don't see my place here anymore''

''I know'', Angela said surprisingly.

''Wha-at'', Maura stammered.

''I know honey, and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to''

''What do you know?'', the doctor asked suspiciously. Angela had a horrid habit of leaping to crazy conculsions.

''Jane told me years ago what happened between you two''

Maura looked mortified. ''She didn't give me details'', Angela added quickly, ''But I pretty much got the gist of it''

''I'm sorry''

''Don't be. You don't have to be Maura. I just don't understand why you let her go though''

Maura hadn't expected to confide in Angela when she drove there. She had no idea the woman knew anything. But she couldn't deny that it felt so good to have someone to open up to after such a long time.

''I wanted to be with her, but she had found Dean''

''But you know she would have forgotten about him if you had just said''

''I know Angela. I wasn't entirely sure, but willing to give it a try. What if it hadn't worked out, and I would have ruined her chances with Dean? I couldn't do that to her. And I was proud, so proud. I didn't want to beg her, so I let her go'', Maura sobbed.

''Its ok, come here'', Angela embraced her again. ''She never stopped loving you'', the elder woman advised.

''I know''

''So why are you leaving?''

''I don't trust myself anymore''

''What do you mean?'', Angela asked confused.

''I'm scared I will lose my resolve one day and hurt her or jeopardize her marriage. I'm scared for my sanity as well, I feel like I am going insane. I can't stop thinking about her''

''You've been fine all these years, you'll be ok''

''No. Recently I started feeling useless. I don't see my purpose anymore''

''Just give it a little time. And you have a purpose honey, don't say that. How do you think Jane will feel if you tell her you are leaving – or the kids, they adore you''

''That's the point exactly. I've….'', she trailed. She was sobbing again.

''Maura, what aren't you telling me''

''It just came to my mind one day, and I got so scared…''

''What came to your mind?'', Angela was worried immensely now.

''I had a fleeting thought. It only happened twice, when I thought maybe-''

''Maybe what?''

''That maybe I shouldn't be living''

Angela understood immediately what Maura was trying to say. And that was it, she knew the two friends had to have a serious conversation.

''I'm calling Jane''

Maura jerked up so fast, it startled Angela. ''please, don't do that. Please'', she begged.

''I'm not calling to tell her what you said. I just want you to talk that's all. I think if you just talk you can sort things out a little bit more''

''There is nothing to sort out'', Maura shook her head.

''As a third mother to you, I ask one thing''

''Yes'', Maura listened like a little child.

''Say good-bye to Jane, in person, before you leave. That's all I ask''

Maura couldn't deny Angela her request, and deep down she knew it was the humane thing to do.

''Ok'', she said quietly and nodded to emphasize her affirmation.

''Good. I will call her right away''

Angela was very confident that Jane could get the doctor to stay put. The worst would be that she could at least convince her to regularly return from 'doctors without boarders' for a visit. The older woman learned something very important from her daughter throughout her life. In fact, she learnt it not from being told, but from observing. And it was that love comes in different forms. She saw the love Jane had for Korsak. It was a respect kind of love. And then Frost. It was an admirable kind of love. She admired him and was a few times in awe of who he was and what he could do. Then there was her husband Gabrielle, that was a dependable kind of love. Jane knew no matter what, he would always be there for her and have her best interests at hearts. Her love for her family was a given. But then there was Maura. The love she had for her combined all the loves she had for everyone in her life, and so much more. Her love for Maura is what Angela had yet to find a word for. Yes Jane had moved on to Dean, but that did nothing to her love for Maura. Angela learnt that you don't necessarily have to be 'with' someone to be totally and completely in love with them.

She needed them to have just one serious conversation about their love for one another. She knew it was too strong to just wither away like nothing. So she dialled her daughter's number. Luckily it was Sunday and she was assured the brunette would be home.

''Hello nana'' Alanna greeted in her ever polite manner.

''Hi sweetheart, could I speak to mama please?''. Angela loved her granddaughter to no end, but was in no mood for pleasantries, there were much more pressing matters at hand, that needed to be tended to immediately.

As if sensing this, Alanna ran with the phone to Jane without another word, ''mama, its nana-''

''-hey, that rhymes!'' she sounded so pleased with herself.

''It does sunshine, you're a genius''

''I know'' Alanna confidently answered.

''And a humble one too. Go get your brother and papa, I am going to start on breakfast now''

Jane's mood when speaking to her mother more often than not, tended to be set on default.

''Ma, its 7am, on a weekend, what is it that couldn't wait till later'' you would have never thought it was the same person that was sweetly smiling at her daughter a mere second ago.

''Honey, you need to come here, preferably now, if you can'' Angela's voice didn't sound right.

''Ma, have you been crying? Is everything alright?''

''Yes Jane. Just leave the kids with Gabrielle and come over please. Its….it's really important.'' She stuttered.

''Gabrielle is about to leave, I have to bring them. You really need to tell me what the hell is going on ma''

''I can't say over the phone Jane, bring them with you, it's alright''. Jane just rolled her eyes. She knew her mother could be overly dramatic unnecessarily; this wasn't the first time she had pulled a stunt like that.

''K' ma , see in you in a bit then''. With that she got off the phone to made breakfast. When they were all finished Jane got Alanna and Johnny ready and headed over to Angela's.

''Mama, now that I am six, can my friends come to sleepover?''

''Welllllll….'', the suddenly nervous mother let it drag for a while. She knew this was going to start sooner or later. She just wasn't as prepared as she thought she would be.

''Mama I just asked a question. You said I was a big girl now didn't you?''

''We'll see sunshine. Depends on which friends you want over and if their parents agree.''

''Can I also sleepover at nana's tonight. It's the weekend and I asked papa before we left and he said ok''

''Why didn't you tell me when we were home so I could pack your things?''

''You were too dis…'' Alanna was wrecking her brain for the word

''Distracted sunshine. Sorry. I'm sure you have stuff at nana's anyway. And before you say it, I will come back home with my beautiful Johnny''

''I'm beautiful too'', the little girl deadpanned.

''Is that so? And who might I ask told you that'', Jane attempted a little British accent, referencing to the English movie they had watched the previous night.

''You mama, on my birthday. You said I was beautiful. Like the sunshine''. They said the last part in unison, and Jane spaced out for a brief while…..

…_. January 2005_

''_I am so nervous Jane''_

''_I know Maur, I can see it. I really wish you would just calm down. I don't get why this has to be such a big deal''_

''_It's a DATE Jane, a first one for that matter. Of course it is a big deal!'' It was a big deal to Jane, just in a different way of course. Nothing about Maura going out on a date impressed her. She was miserable. But Maura was her best friend before anything else, so she would support her whenever need be. _

''_You look great every day. Just wear what you normally wear and be yourself. I don't get why you are so worried''_

''_WEAR MY WORK CLOTHES!'' Maura's eyes nearly fell out. She looked petrified._

''_Mauraaaaa-'' Jane whined ''look at me, you look beautiful, with that dress you have on. If he thinks otherwise then there is definitely something wrong with him''_

_Maura was slightly appeased now, ''how beautiful?'' she teased slightly._

''_Like the sunshine''. Jane didn't need to think before she answered. And Maura, as if to prove that true, flushed Jane an incredible smile. A smile that lit up all of Jane's insides, just like the sunshine did._

Before Jane knew it, they were out of the car and walking up to Angela's place. Flashbacks involving Maura had become few and seldom occurred. When they did however, they left Jane in a painful state of melancholy, which thankfully could be effectively healed by her children. Johnny had latched onto her tightly and kissed her cheek as they left the car. That left her feeling much, much better. What awaited her at Angela's place however, was not something that could be healed with a tight hold and kiss on the cheek.

* * *

**AN: Great, now I need a third chapter….woops!**


	3. will you have me

**AN: It was the weekend….need I say more. But sorry anyway. Chapter for my other story coming later today**

* * *

When Jane and Dean found out they were pregnant, the news had come as somewhat of a shock. It rattled Dean the most, seeing as to that he had a family of people that could be counted on one hand, not to mention that he was not even married to Jane. During the course of Jane's pregnancy he became comforted by the fact that his girlfriend had a strong support system and after proposing, Jane agreed to work on the wedding after the baby was born.

When Jane had told Dean that Maura was to be the God-Mother of their child, the man had asked not further questions. In fact, he was quite fond of the blonde and knew their child would have herself a lovely God-Mother. When their little Alanna was starting to say her first words, they realized the poor kid was at a loss as to what to call Maura. She had Mama, Dada, and Nana right on point. But realizing the kid spent almost as much time with Maura as she did with her parents they settled on Mimi. Alanna was quick to catch on, and the name developed. When their rascal Johnny started talking as well, the name Mimi thrived even more.

Maura's house changed over the years. First she lost her two spare bedrooms that she changed into the children's 'themed' bedrooms. Then she lost her yoga room, that became their play-room. None of them seemed to look at it closely, but the couple and Maura were co-parenting. They even had a schedule to prove it, but funny enough they never thought twice about it. The thing is, people notice ''change behaviour''. If something is a certain way from the beginning, it is never questioned- that's all its ever known to be. So right from the get go of Jane's children's lives, Maura had been a core part, so there was nothing to fuss over.

Dean worked morning to evening, Monday to Friday – so did Jane. Angela worked the same, except her days changed weekly (four at a time). Frankie worked pretty much all the time and Tommy was the epitome of unreliable. So because Jane and Dean's child came unexpectedly, there wasn't much that could be done in the ways of work schedule, especially for Dean. And that's where Maura came in. Her schedule was as flexible as rubber. When the parents were working, Maura was at her place with Alanna. The same went for Johnny after he was added to the mix. The blonde took them to and from school regularly, and they spent nights upon nights in Beacon Hill.

Maura virtually stopped dating, not for lack of trying though. Men came to her house and accused her of lying that she did not have children – especially after seeing the glaring evidence in her house. Then many times she had to shoo her dates out after the children cried to go and spend the night over by her. And the obvious habits like how all she talked about where the children – or worse, Jane. So her life went back to sporadic sexcapades designed to satiate the physical needs. Dean mentioned it a few times, even tried hooking her up with a few of his buddies, but she declined. When he broached the subject to his wife, she shut him off like a napkin set alight by a candle accidentally. It hurt Jane, she wasn't sure if Maura was still completely hung up on her, or was just failing to find someone worth her time - and she couldn't ask.

The day Maura came to the hospital to see Jane; the brunette told her she loved her. Jane told her she would always love her no matter what. She even went so far as too ask if Maura would have her. But Maura declined. She couldn't do that to the little innocent soul in her hands. So Maura gave Jane her blessing to marry Dean, and they swore to never mention their romantic love ever again. They didn't. And it hurt.

Jane's kids loved Maura the same way they loved their own parents. Occasionally they even slipped up and called her Mama instead of Mimi. That was the best and worst thing to happen to Maura whenever it did. Her heart melted at the thought that she was good enough to be seen as a mother figure. It swelled her to know she could match up to Jane. Her heart pounded at learning that she had something to give these little people. Then it shattered when she realized she wasn't actually their mother, and that she had a chance that she threw away.

* * *

The door to Angela's house opened and two energetic children ran in screaming ''Nana Nana''. That was short lived however when they spotted Maura sitting on Angela's couch. They quickly re-routed yelling, ''Mimi Mimi''. It wasn't even three seconds before they jumped onto Maura's lap planting kisses all over her face like little puppies. Maura loved that the most.

''Hello my darlings'', she greeted them with a voice laden with grief.

Angela and Jane stood at a distance and watched the three. It wasn't the first time. The two Rizzoli's always paid attention to Maura's interactions with the children – not simultaneously though. Angela was in soft tears already, she couldn't fathom a scenario where those kids would have to be separated from their Mimi, it was unimaginable. ''What's going on Ma?'', Jane broke her gaze from the three on the couch and turned to her mother. Immediately she knew it had something to do with the blonde. And she had no patience for waiting to pull it out of her mother; she went straight to the horse's mouth.

Jane would never say it, or show it, but she lived in constant fear that Maura would one day leave. Strange enough, her only hope was her children. She somehow felt that with the bond they shared, Maura would never leave them. But it didn't stop her mind from wondering time to time. And right that moment it was wondering alright. She was filled with dread and yet Maura hadn't even looked at her. Jane didn't need to be told. It wasn't rocked science. She felt it, it was palpable from the second she walked through the door. And now she was looking at her children wiping tears from her best friends face and she was crying already.

It took everything within her to walk up to the trio. ''Hey muffins. Do you want to go to the park with Nana for a little bit''

''No'' they said immediately. Alanna turned to look at her mother as if she had gone insane. ''Mimi is sad, we can't go to the park''. It was said so strongly and didn't leave room for argument. The three adults where left dumbfounded, not knowing how to coax the youngsters into leaving their 'mothers' to some privacy for just a while.

''Do you remember some of the times when you are sad?'', two little heads bobbed up and down when Maura spoke, ''and you just want Mama, because no one else can make you feel better''

''Yes'', they sang back.

''Because Mama knows exactly what to say to make everything alright''. They nodded in understanding. They always listened intently when Maura spoke to them. ''Right now Mimi is a little sad, and Mama is the only one who knows what to say to make me feel better. So if you go to the park for a short while, when you come back I will be fine''

They considered it for a short while, and seemingly came to the conclusion that it was acceptable. So they left sloppy kisses all over Maura's face again and headed to their Nana. They said their good-bye to their mother and were out in a few minutes.

''I will keep them for as long as you two need. Just call me when you need us back'', Angela whispered.

''Thanks Ma. I'll call you''. And they were left alone.

* * *

''You can't leave Maur'', Jane sat beside the blonde and held her gaze intently, scared that if she looked away maybe Maura would disappear.

''Why?''

''I wouldn't know how to live without you'', the brunette told herself the moment they were left in privacy that she was going to be as open and truthful with Maura like never before.

''You don't know that for sure''

''I don't want to ever know''. It was like a tennis match with sentences between the two.

''Do I get a say in this?''

''If I had it my way, no. You wouldn't have a say in this''

Maura looked at her in disbelief. She certainly hadn't been anticipating that one. ''That sounds awfully selfish Jane''

''It is. And I know it Maura. But I refuse to sit here today and lie to you. I'm being selfish, but I don't know how else to be when it comes to you''

''You can let me be''

''I can't'', Jane said certainly.

''We've been holding onto this for too long Jane. Nothing is ever going to come out of it. It's time to fully let it go''

''The last time I left things in your hands, you fucked up'' Maura's eyes went wide. ''If I had been selfish then, if I had refused to let you go, I would have been the happiest woman alive. But ten years Maura! I tried not to be selfish, I gave you a choice all those years ago, but you didn't come to me until it was too late. And even then, you weren't entirely sure''

''Those are all mistakes I have acknowledged and there is nothing I can do about them now''

''Don't you think you need to make up for your mistakes?'', Jane questioned.

''I have been. For a decade. I think things have reached an equilibrium and its safe for me to move on now''

''What can I do to make you change your mind?''

''Nothing Jane'', Maura shook her head, trying desperately to not weep. She just wanted to have an intelligent conversation and then leave.

''There must be something, anything''

''There isn't. I have made up my mind to leave, and I have to. I am starting 'doctors without boarders' in Uganda. I will come back to visit''

''No'', Jane said vehemently. ''I will do whatever it takes to make you stay'', she begged.

''Like I said, there isn't anything that can be done''

''What about the kids?'', Jane was desperate now.

''They will be fine, they have both their parents'', Jane saw her choke up and knew that was Maura's weakest point – the kids.

''You are their Mimi, what will I say to them?''

''Tell them I left, and I will come visit'', it didn't sound nearly as convincing as Maura had hoped it would.

''I can see that there are somethings you clearly haven't understood Maura. And now is the best time to address them''

''I don't understand what you mean Jane''

''I think the confusion is coming from your upbringing''. Maura suddenly felt like she was being insulted, but she didn't know why.

''Jane-''

''No. Let me explain. You see the relationship you have with Alanna and Johnny, that's not a normal child-God-Mother relationship. So far from it infact''

''I don't understand'', Maura looked confused.

''And its not your fault. In a normal world, my children should not 'half live' at your house. You do realize that's what happens right?''

''I suppose'', Maura listened further.

''Your role in their life isn't to influence which schools they go to. It's not to take them to the doctors, or trim their hair when YOU think it's too long. It's not your responsibility to take stock of what they eat on a daily basis and teach them French'', Maura looked embarrassed and wished she could shrink for all the over stepping she had done. ''that's the role of their parents, or grandparents occasionally''

''I'm sorry'', Maura said sincerely. It truly hadn't seemed like that much when she was doing it. Now when being listed though, it was another story altogether.

''Don't be. You had a responsibility to do that. I trust you with their lives. And in case it isn't clear enough, YOU ARE THEIR MOTHER TOO'', Jane enunciated.

Maura just stared at her as the words sank in and began to make sense.

''You are their mother too. I let you be, _they _let you be. It was the only way Maura''

''The only way what?''

''It's the only way I could show you that I was here and waiting for you when you were ready'', she paused a little then continued, ''I didn't want to wait for you to make up your mind then start teaching the kids to love you as their mother from scratch. Do you understand?'', Jane watched her closely.

Maura was silent. She didn't even move.

''I told you I would never stop loving you, and I haven't. My life for the past ten years has gone against everything I believe in. It's been filled with deceit and unmentionable lies. It's an awful way to live, but every day when I see you, I know it's worth it. My intention isn't to hurt my husband or my children. But if you can see all I have done, you will know that you my love, come before anyone and anything else. It's all for you. I knew you wouldn't have me. But I also knew you wouldn't refuse my children, so I gave them to you instead. I'm not blind or stupid or naïve Maura. I know you were hurting all these years, I was too. There was nothing I could do to take that pain away, you wouldn't have me Maur. Every time I saw you sad, I brought the children to you immediately. That's the only way I knew how to make you feel better, and it worked right?''

''Yes'', Maura answered unconsciously, still legging behind on the words ''my love''

''But I guess ten years is the limit. Its not enough anymore''

''No'', Maura finally was fully there.

''Am I right in saying you are ready now? Will you have me now?'', Jane held her breath for an answer.

* * *

**AN: Ok, i am going to stop promising the end of this story because it seems to want to go on. So yes, another chapter is coming. Would love to know what you think. Do you want me to fill in some gaps from the 10yrs, or just concentrate on the future?**


	4. The end

''I have already made plans to go to Uganda Jane'', Maura whispered. She was desperate for a modicum of strength. The moment was make or break for her. She could supress her feelings for Jane like she did all those years ago and just move on, or she could finally be with the love of her love. All of a sudden both choices seemed unattainable.

''Then change them. Stay here with me'', Jane wasn't above begging. This was now or never for her. If she let Maura slip away this time around, she knew that would be it. There would no longer be any hope of them being together. Worst case scenario, she would never see Maura again. That thought alone was frightening enough. Jane didn't want to know what not being able to see Maura would be like.

''How Jane? You have a HUSBAND, and children. It's not as simple as it was back then. We can't just fall into each other's arms and live happily ever after. It's all too complicated''

''It was simple back then, but we still never tried. So don't use that as an excuse. I'm not saying it's gonna be a walk in the park Maura'', Jane reasoned. ''but things that are worth it are difficult. And if you think I'm going to let you go now that I'm SURE you want me – forget about it. I'll climb mountains and run miles if I have to. Heck, I'll even go to Uganda with you''

''You're not a doctor Jane'', Maura smiled despite herself. The brunette was often very humorous, regardless of the situation.

''It doesn't matter. I can just watch you work''

Maura was starting to lose her resolve and she didn't like it one bit. She looked at Jane intently for a long time, slowly making up her mind. When her thoughts, and thus words, were arranged to her liking, she spoke with as much authority as she could muster. ''My belief is that we should hold on to our friendship, and let go of this dream love affair we think we can have. I know that you love me, as do I. But as it turns out, not every feeling needs to be acted upon. If you love me as much as you say you do, as much as I think you do, then let me go Jane. Let me be free of this torture. Let me try to find a little bit of happiness elsewhere. Let me feel like I am contributing to the world. Let me HEAL, away from Boston, away from your family. When I am certain I will not cause harm to anyone's feelings, I will come to visit. I can promise you that''

''I will leave him. Today Maura, if I have to'', Jane begged unabashedly.

''I refuse to be the cause of a divorce Jane. How do you expect me to live with myself knowing I have caused your family pain?''

''You won't cause anyone pain. Dean is a grown man, he will manage just fine. The children will be equally fine. My family already loves you Maur''

''They do now. Things change after different events occur. When things get messy they won't be quite so taken with me anymore. That would be an even more troubling predicament than the one I am in now''

Maura looked about ready to leave and Jane was crying, unable to find the right words to make her Maura stay. It was new territory for the detective, and she was drowning bit by bit.

''Ok, ok, ok, just hold on a second Maura'', Jane rubbed her face vigorously trying to pull her herself together. ''So when are you leaving then?''

''Tuesday morning'', came the short reply.

''Okaaaaay'', Jane nodded in understanding. ''Can I at least bring the children for a sleepover, so they can spend some time with you before you leave?''

Jane waited desperately hoping to God that Maura would agree.

''That will be quite alright''

Jane exhaled in relief. ''So can you pick them up after school on Monday, then I will be there for them on Tuesday morning''

''I have to be gone fairly early Jane. I intend to leave the house at 6am''

''I will be there before that. I promise''

So with these arrangements in order, Maura departed Angela's place. Jane quickly texted her mother to ask if she could stay with the children and then take them to school the next Monday morning. Angela only assumed the worst had happened between her two big girls, but all she could do was assist Jane in the what she asked of her.

In the evening, after Jane had done some serious thinking, she went back over to Angela's to have a word. The children were exhausted from their day out with their Nana, and Jane tucked them in as soon as she got there.

''I hope you are not going to think I am crazy Ma'', Jane began.

''Of course not baby, what's the matter''

''Maura is really going, and I can't stop her''.

Angela placed a soothing hand over her daughters. ''What are you going to do then?''

''I'm going with her''

''What?'', Angela asked in absolute shock.

''Don't try to stop me Ma. There is no other way. I'm not letting her go this time around, I just can't''

Angela had never seen her daughter that serious about anything, and she knew better than to protest. When Jane's mind was made up, it was a done deal. ''what about the children Jane? And Gabriel?''

''I am going to talk to him about it tonight. And I am taking the children with me''

''What?'', Angela shout again. ''You can't do that''

''They are my kids Ma, have you forgotten that?''

''Jane honey. Why don't you just take some time to think about this ok. There is no need to take such drastic actions''

''I have thought about it, and I don't have the time to keep thinking. I checked all of Maura's plans in the database. She's got a one way ticket to Uganda. She already has someone to rent her house from Wednesday'', Angela looked horrified as she realized that Maura was indeed leaving. ''Her indefinite leave from work has already been granted starting tomorrow. I couldn't talk her into not going''

''So what's your big plan Jane? You just whisk the kids to Africa? Did you tell her you are going with her?''

''No''

''Jane'', Angela's heart broke for the measures her daughter was taking for love. It was sweet, but a little too much. ''What is Dean going to say about all of this?''

''Like I said, I will speak to him when I get home''

''I don't think this is a good idea''

''Well its happening. I will deal with the consequences when they arise''

There was obviously no getting her daughter out of this, so she offered support. ''When do you leave?''

''On Tuesday morning. Maura will take the kids from school tomorrow and they will spend the night with her. I will think about the details more carefully after speaking with Dean''

At that moment Deal rang to tell her he was home. She gathered her belongings and left.

When she got home she immediately led her husband to the dining table where they sat opposite each other in serious conversation.

''I don't know where to begin?''

''From the start'', Dean knew whatever Jane had to say was big. His heart was already beating out of his chest as he waited with bated breath.

Jane had thought about this all day. Her first thought, the most simplest, was to just lie to Dean and have her way fast. But she realized that would have tremendous consequences in the end. The truth was harder, and had the potential to yield undesired results, but the outcome would not be as messy – so she went with that.

''I slept with Maura a little before we started dating''. Gabriel didn't flinch.

''I thought as much''

''What?'', here she was thinking her and Maura were being all discreet about their sexual encounter.

''I had a feeling after seeing the sexual tension between you two''

''How come you never said anything?''

''It didn't seem to matter Jane. You were clearly moving on from it, there was no point in mentioning it if you hadn't brought it up''

Great, Jane thought, where do I go from here.

''Is that all you know?'', Jane asked hesitantly.

''I am starting to get the feeling there is more I SHOULD know''. One of the things Jane liked about Dean was that he was a very patient man. He was calm, never raised his voice and was all understanding.

''I don't know how to say this to you Dean. It's really not the easiest of things and you're a really nice man and there are no right words to –''

''Jane'', he said sweetly. ''just say what it is you sat me down for. I already know its not a good thing, so just say it and get it over with''

Jane took a deep breath. ''I would like to get a divorce'', she winced in anticipation of what was to come. Nothing came. So she finally made eye contact with her husband for the first time, wondering why he had not said anything.

''How long have you wanted this?''

''What?'', Jane was expecting a certain level of anger at least.

''How long have you wanted a divorce?''

''Since this morning''. Jane was surprised to see Dean smiling a little at her.

''You know one of the things I have always loved about you is your honesty. And you have stood by that right until the end. I'm not pleased Jane, but I am consoled by the fact that I didn't stay longer that you wanted me to. You made your decision today, and you informed me today. Thank you for that'' Jane just stared at him not sure what to say. ''I probably sound emotionless to you right now, but I know you Jane. If there was something I could do to change your mind I would ask, but I know you are sure of your decision and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I love you Jane. Please tell me you know that''

''I know''

''I know I'm just contradicting myself here, but what can I do Jane? Why are you leaving me, our family?'' Dean reached out to take his wife's hand in his own.

''I care about you a lot. And if my heart is not in this I can't continue to deceive you''

''Have you been cheating on me?''

''I would never do that to you Dean''

''You want to be with Maura?''

Jane blanked out for a beat, unsure how truthful to be. Honesty was the best policy, so she went with that, ''yes''

His heart finally broke. His wife of eight years was leaving him for her female best friend, the God-Mother of their children. It honestly couldn't get more painful than that.

''Why are you doing this to us Jane? After such a long time''

They went back and forth – the begging and apologizing. It ultimately came down to one thing, the divorce.

''So what now?'', Dean eventually asked.

''I want to take the kids somewhere for a little while. Is that ok?''

''Where Jane?''

This was the hardest part. ''To Uganda''

''With Maura?'', he said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

''Yes. I promise I am not doing anything funny. We'll have equal custody of them. I am just asking this one time if I can just take them away for a bit''

Dean wasn't scared Jane would pull a fast one on him, he trusted her, and he knew she was anything but deceitful.

''What about school for Alanna and Johnny's nursery?''

''I am planning on going to the school first thing tomorrow morning''. The children went to a private school where Maura had gotten them into, and the Isles Foundation was sponsoring their fees payments all the way till high school. So their absence was not going to be a problem at all.

''Did this little trip have to be now. Could you not wait till the holiday or something?''

''If I could Dean you know I would have. Please. That's all I ask of you, even though I know I have no right''

Eventually Gabriel conceded. He hadn't ever seen Jane beg and knew it must be very important. He also knew he could be selfish and deny Jane what she requested just to spite her. But the future still led to her being with Maurra whether he liked it or not. So he maturely forwent the drama. Jane had purposely left out the fact that Maura wasn't even aware they were coming with her. The next morning Jane spoke with the school and purchased tickets for the three of them. She spent the day packing and requested leave from Cavanaugh. Maura took the kids after school and painfully enjoyed their company till she put them to bed at 8pm.

* * *

She was surprised when Jane walked into her house at 5am on the dot. She had expected her to be there at 6am instead. And to add on to that, the brunette had three large suitcases with her.

''Jane?'', she eyed the luggage sitting near the entrance suspiciously.

''We're coming with you Maura, and you can't say no''

Maura had never known a love so deep. A love that would drive a woman to drag two small children across the world just for her. She wept as she stared at the woman she loved whole heartedly. She didn't know whether she should be happy, or guilty , or scared. All she knew was that she loved Jane.

The brunette had spent a small fortune on travelling expenses but wouldn't change it for anything. She was doing it for Maura, and no price was too much.

''We're getting a divorce'', she said into the silence.

''Jane'', that's all Maura seemed capable of saying. Her dreams were all coming true and it seemed surreal and enjoyably terrifying.

''It's not your fault. It's my decision. I told you that I was not letting you go this time around. I love YOU. And I will follow you to the end of the world if I have to. I was at a loss for words to say to you. I didn't know what I could tell you that could make you stay. So I figured my only option was to go with you, so you could see how serious I am''

Never had a love been declared so honestly to her before. Never had anyone made such a brave gesture for her. And for the first time in many years, she did what she had wanted to do so badly. Maura ran into Jane's embrace and hugged the life out of her. She pulled away slightly and took the rest of Jane's breath away in a bruising kiss.

''Thank you for not giving up on me again Jane. I love you so much'', she said into Jane's ear when they embraced again.

''Love is about never giving up. Let's get out of this place''. Jane always knew what to do with the mood.

So they got the kids up and told them where they were going. Naturally the two were excited about the trip, and got moving fairly quickly. Maura changed her ticket to economy were she joined Jane and the kids. During their long airplane ride, Jane told Maura about her conversation with Dean and they made brief plans about what they'd do once they arrived in Uganda.

* * *

It was a life changing experience for all of them. Jane saw a part of the world she had never seen before, so did her children. They stayed in a hotel together and enjoyed looking around while Maura did her work. The blonde had to be there for at least three months, which wouldn't do for Jane and the children. They talked about it in great length, till they reached an amiable conclusion. Maura had to travel to work in the villages the following week, so Jane scheduled for a return then. Maura contacted the lady renting her place and regrettably informed her that she would be returning.

With no great pleasure, Jane and her children were separated from Maura. When they got back to Boston, Jane and Dean began the divorce proceeding. It was a simple matter really. They split their money in half, and had equal custody. Dean got the house, because Jane was moving in with Maura.

After a month apart Jane had had it up to her neck from missing Maura so she planned another trip to Uganda – alone this time. The doctor still had another month and a half there and the skype calls were not doing it for Jane. Their time together this time around was much more blissful. It was filled with five days of passionate love making and talk about their future. Jane sullenly returned to civilization and patiently awaited Maura's return. She had already moved into the blondes house and spent her spare time arranging things to make it their home. Skype calls were occasionally filled with banter about Jane occupying the wrong side of the closet or shoes being placed incorrectly. They had both missed that aspect of their friendship/relationship and hence welcomed it with great joy. Most people who knew them well weren't surprised about Jane's divorce; they were more surprised at how long the marriage had been going on for. Jane and Dean delicately explained the situation to their children. Johnny obviously didn't know anything at only three, but Alanna at six had a small idea of what was going on – not that it affected her much to be honest. Nothing about the children's lives had changed really. They spent half their time at Maura's and the other half at their house, which was what they did before.

When Maura got back, the children started to realize that instead of their Mama staying at home with Papa, she was now staying with Mimi. And subsequently Mimi's house had now become more home, than the home they knew before. In fact, they now lived there. It was confusing but they did their best to make Alanna understand. It would only be a matter of time before the picture made absolute sense, or maybe it never would – but the kids were happy and loved, and that's what mattered.

A few months later the divorce was finalized and life took a new turn for the new couple. Every moment was spent cherishing each other and making up for the pain the past decade had caused. All in all, Maura and Jane finally got their 'happily ever after'.

The end.

* * *

**AN: Thanks to everyone who found this interesting, I appreciate your support. For those interested, I will start posting my last story right after New Years. It will be an AU, and I'm so excited about it. I may also post some one shots occasionally on tumblr – link is on my profile page (ultracollinsj). Thanks again guys**


End file.
